Mitzvah —
21
Not to bear a grudge
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לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יְהֹוָֽה׃ - פָּרָשַׁת קְדשִׁים
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Leviticus 19:18 - "You shall neither take revenge from nor bear a grudge against the members of your people; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the L-rd."
This Mitzvah's Summary
מִצְוָה עֲשֵׂה - Positive Commandment
מִצְוָה לֹא תַעֲשֶׂה - Negative Commandment
Between a person and their fellow – בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ
It is forbidden to harbor resentment or hold grudges against others.
This mitzvah prohibits holding on to resentment, even if one refrains from outright revenge. Rambam (Hilchot De’ot 7:7) defines this as when one says, “I will help him, though he did not help me.” While not revenge in deed, it maintains inner bitterness. Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 242) emphasizes that Torah teaches us to uproot hatred, forgive, and cleanse the heart, as lasting grudges poison relationships.
The Talmud (Yoma 23a) portrays the righteous as those who allow insults to pass without vengeance or resentment, and Heaven forgives them in kind. Rashi explains that grudge-bearing undermines the mitzvah of loving one’s neighbor. Ramban adds that Torah’s goal is to cultivate inner refinement, not only restrain outer action. Midrash (Sifra Kedoshim §4) says that grudges corrode communities, while forgiveness builds them.
Commentary & Classical Explanation:
- Rambam (Hilchot De’ot 7:7): Defines bearing a grudge as passive revenge.
- Sefer HaChinuch (242): Torah commands cleansing the heart of hatred.
- Talmud (Yoma 23a): Forgiving others brings Divine forgiveness.
- Rashi (Lev. 19:18): Grudge-bearing opposes love of neighbor.
- Ramban: Torah refines inner character through this mitzvah.
- Midrash (Sifra Kedoshim §4): Grudges destroy community peace.
Contrast with Revenge (Mitzvah 20):
- Mitzvah 20 forbids active retaliation; Mitzvah 21 forbids passive memory of wrongs.
- Rambam unites both as two expressions of the same heart-issue.
- Sefer HaChinuch: Torah requires uprooting both deed and thought of vengeance.
Parallel to Love of Neighbor (Mitzvah 13):
- This mitzvah protects the heart, while Mitzvah 13 commands love.
- Rashi and Rambam tie both together: true love leaves no room for grudges.
- Talmud: Love restores peace; grudges perpetuate strife.
Commentaries
(Source: Chabad.org)
Applying this Mitzvah Today
Purifying the Heart
- Rambam (Hilchot De’ot 7:7) distinguishes grudges from revenge: a grudge is when one still helps but reminds the other of past wrongs. Today, this mitzvah teaches letting go internally, not only avoiding retaliation but removing resentment from the heart.
Building Lasting Peace
- Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 241) explains that grudges corrode relationships over time, even if no outward harm is done. Applied now, this mitzvah directs us to genuine reconciliation, where help and kindness are free of lingering bitterness.
Freedom from Emotional Burden
- Talmud (Yoma 23a) teaches that those who forgive and do not bear grudges are beloved by Heaven. In modern terms, releasing resentment protects mental health, strengthens families, and heals communities.
Reflecting Divine Compassion
- Ramban (Lev. 19:18) notes that bearing a grudge contradicts Hashem’s ways, for He forgives even great sins. Today, this mitzvah calls Jews to imitate Divine compassion by letting go of past slights, no matter how small.
Rising Above Pettiness
- Rashi (Lev. 19:18) gives the classic example: if someone refuses to lend an item because “you once refused me,” that is a grudge. Today, this mitzvah applies in daily interactions — from workplaces to friendships — where small resentments can grow if not uprooted.
Strengthening Community Bonds
- Midrash (Sifra Kedoshim §4) teaches that grudges divide the people of Israel. Applied now, this mitzvah inspires Jewish communities to model unity and forgiveness, countering a culture often driven by scorekeeping and blame.
Notes on this Mitzvah's Fundamentals
Revenge / Bearing Grudge – נְקִימָה / נְטִירָה
- Rambam (Hilchot De’ot 7:7) defines bearing a grudge as recalling another’s refusal even when helping them. Sefer HaChinuch (242) stresses that such memory keeps hatred alive. Talmud (Yoma 23a) teaches that those who forgive anger merit Divine pardon. Midrash (Sifra Kedoshim §4) warns grudges poison social bonds.
Love – אַהֲבָה
- Rashi (Lev. 19:18) links this prohibition to “love your neighbor,” showing that love cannot coexist with grudges. Rambam explains that true love demands forgetting wrongs entirely. Talmud (Pesachim 113b) says Hashem loves those who overlook insult. Sefer HaChinuch writes that love replaces resentment with blessing.
Humility – עֲנָוָה
- Ramban notes grudges stem from pride, unwillingness to yield. Talmud (Eruvin 13b) says humility allows one to forgive easily. Midrash Rabbah praises those who let offenses go, showing anavah in practice.
Compassion – רַחֲמִים
- Sefer HaChinuch emphasizes that compassion means excusing others’ faults, as Hashem does for us. Rambam writes that Divine compassion inspires us to release anger. Talmud (Shabbat 151b) says mercy is shown to those who show mercy.
Justice – צֶדֶק
- Rambam insists grudges distort justice, holding others guilty without trial. Rashi calls grudge-bearing unfair, since it punishes someone beyond the law. Talmud (Sanhedrin 49a) links justice to judging others fairly, not with past bias.
Speech – דָּבָר
- Rambam distinguishes revenge in action from grudges in words — “I’ll help, but I remember your refusal.” Rashi highlights that speech reveals hidden bitterness. Talmud (Yoma 23a) notes that speech can sustain grudges long after the act.
Community – קְהִלָּה
- Sefer HaChinuch warns that communities fracture when grudges multiply. Midrash (Sifra Kedoshim §4) says forgiving words build peace, but resentful words destroy kehilla. Ramban adds that society thrives when grudges are erased.
Bein Adam L’Chavero – בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ
- Rambam explains that Torah law protects not only actions but relationships. Talmud says this mitzvah safeguards communal peace. Sefer HaChinuch emphasizes that cleansing hatred preserves brotherhood.
Bein Adam L’Makom – בֵּין אָדָם לְמָקוֹם
- Ramban teaches that Hashem’s forgiveness is mirrored in this mitzvah: as He forgives, so must we. Talmud (Rosh Hashanah 17a) says Hashem forgives those who forgive others. Midrash Rabbah affirms that releasing grudges honors Hashem’s mercy.
